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Child-like Faith, pt. 1  //  Learning to See Myself like a Toddler

28 Oct Spiritual Formation | Comments Off on Child-like Faith, pt. 1
Child-like Faith, pt. 1
 

I was several years in to exploring this contemplative life. I would often just sit with God – being in his presence. One morning, I went into my sacred space – a comfy chair in a quiet corner of our house set aside for simply being with God.   I found myself dwelling on a particular sin that I had that I had been trying to extinguish for years. I said to God, “I don’t know why you don’t just vaporize me right now because I don’t think this is ever going to change.”

In that moment, I had the sense that God was asking me to picture my little twin granddaughters. (Just a bit of background on the girls…they were born nearly three months early. They weighed 2 lbs 8 oz and 2 lbs 10 oz. They fought hard to survive and then to thrive, which they did. They are now 9 years old and perfect in every way.)

toddleridentity1

In this experience with God, He was asking me to picture them just as they are beginning to learn to walk… you remember those first wobbly moments with infants. But God wanted me to imagine that Ava was born with one leg shorter than the other. They are both standing across the room and I asked them to come to me.

Eden, in her baby stutter-step walks right to me. I pick her up, praise and kiss her.

Then I ask Ava to come to me. She starts out but falls within a few steps, unable to keep her balance.

God asked me, “What would you do Deb? Would you ask her why she couldn’t run to you like her sister? Would you criticize her because she fell? What would you do?”

I started to cry because the connection was painful and profound. I told God, “Of course I wouldn’t criticize her. I would run to her and scoop her up and tell her how proud of her I was that she tried. I’d hold her and kiss her and tell her how special she is to me.”

toddleridentity2

He said, “Why would you think I would be any different with you? The same way you would see her trying in spite of her disability I see you trying in spite of living in this world – this fallen and broken world – you were not made for this. I see you doing the best you can and I see you getting back up after you fall and moving toward me. I love you and I am proud of you. Keep getting up, my little girl.”

Yes – that is how much God loves me – and loves you.

Don’t ever doubt it.

What struggles do you feel shame in facing today? How might you meet God right there?

Deb Turnow
Executive Director at Kavanna House
Deb Turnow is the Executive Director of Kavanna House, a spiritual formation center in York, Pa. Prior to that role, she was the Director of Spiritual Direction at Living Word Community Church in York. She has a Bachelor Degree in Psychology from York College in Pennsylvania and a M.A. in Spiritual Formation and Leadership from Spring Arbor University. She is also a graduate of the Spiritual Guidance Program at Shalem Institute. She is currently studying at San Francisco Theological Seminary. She is a certified spiritual director and also provides supervision for spiritual directors. She and her husband Jeff, live in York, PA.